The adventure of a perfectly reasonable man
by Jerblankles
Summary: A perfectly reasonable man negotiates with god to get reincarnated into the Naruto universe. Not. Male SI, slightly insane SI, Gary-Stu-Wannabe SI.
1. Chapter 1

**The adventures of an asshole: Naruto**

Chapter 1

Before all this happened I was just an ordinary everyday asshole. But you don't want to hear about that do you, no you want to be entertained because just like me and everyone else out there you are an asshole, you just don't want to admit it. Very well asshole I will tell you a story, it is about your ordinary everyday asshole (me) dying and getting reborn into a world, a world you and I know very well. The world of Sasuke …. I mean Naruto.

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I was your above average guy before this happened you don't need to know how I looked because it won't matter long anyway. I was just walking through the streets during a big ass storm to buy some cigs as I was running low and could not be fucked waiting till later to get some. While I was walking I put my head down to stop the rain while lighting a smoke and that's when it happened, a bolt of lightning came down from the sky and hit my all metal lighter, just like that my mind went blank just before I blacked out.

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When I came to I was standing in a line with a bunch of other people all looking just as confused as me. I looked around a bit and saw that we were in a never ending white hallway and at the front of the line was a door with a sign above it saying 'reincarnation office'.

I just sat there staring at the door with a blank face realising that I had died. I pondered that I was dead and that I would never see my family and friends again and that I would never be able to actually do anything with my life and with that came just one though.

'Meh who fucking cares.' Ah the wonders of being a complete ass will you ever cease.

While I was having that internal monologue someone inside the office called out "next" and the guy at the front of the line went in. After seeing this I realised that there were twelve people in front of me, so being the kind, considerate person I am I waited there patiently for my turn. Yeah right, I quickly started pushing people out of the way soon making my way to the front, Luckily most of the others were still to disoriented to care or were actually happy it would be longer until their turn, well except for one.

"Hey what do you think you're doing get ba-AHK." A rather elderly man started to say from behind me before I elbowed him in the throat. What? He should mind his own damn business. While he was on the ground clutching at his throat the person inside called out next again and I happily went inside leaving the man on the ground.

As I went inside I took a quick glance around and saw a normal looking office with a wooden desk and a pretty advanced looking computer sitting on it. Behind the desk was an average looking guy with black hair and brown eyes in a business suit. The man motion at the seat in front of him for me to sit and I did so.

"Name and date of birth." The man said while staring at his computer.

"Scott ****** born 25th of September 1996." I replied wonder what he was going to do.

"Let's see here." He said typing what I can only assumed to be what I had just told him into the computer. "Okay looks like you died by lightning a painless death so no added reincarnation benefits and you were a complete selfish asshole and maybe a sociopath as well, Well looks like we got your reincarnation right here." He said turning the screen around to show me what it said.

I stared in total belief at what I got. Which was so eloquently written on the screen as and I quote 'Retarted war orphan in Africa.' Yeah well fuck that. As I put on a fake shocked face and saw the man smirk happily I did the only thing I could do. I kicked him in the balls under the table. While he hunched over in pain I ran around the table and repeatedly smashed his head into the table until he was unconscious.

After catching my breathe I walked over to the door and locked it just in case. Walking back to the desk I kicked him under the table and sat down in his awesomely comfy chair and looked at the screen while starting to go through the files. I was amazed any were and as anything you can imagine that was how expansive you could be reincarnated. I had just realised that asshole was the one that got to choose where I went and chose that on purpose, I gave him another kick for good measure.

I looked through the list wondering where I should go before realising that I was basically what every fan boy and girl wanted to be. A self-insert fuck yeah. I cracked my fingers before clicking the Naruto world and started thinking on who to be and had to make myself Gary stu as all fuck. What you thought I was going to work hard for my skills and become another run of the mill ninja, fuck no I'm an asshole remember now let's op this shit up.

Okay first was the world design which being the lazy shit I am just chose canon world where history before my arrival was normal and bijuu are actual chakra constructs and not stupid ass demon or yokai or whatever the hell their called. Okay now background and name well I need to be op along with having strong protection before I achieve Gary Stu ness which means strong parents and as many bloodlines as I can get.

Hmm okay I got this my first name is Zero because I'm that fucking original and my last names yes names will be Uchiha Senju and I'm the son of Tsunade and a random returning from mission Uchiha who on his way returning from said mission decided to get drunk in a local bar and ran into an equally drunk Tsunade and they spent the night drunkenly fucking. In the next morning he would fuck off never knowing of his son and eventually dying in the Uchiha massacre, meanwhile Tsunade will only remember having sex and not with whom and will not have it in her to kill the unborn child. In nine months one month before Naruto is born I shall be born in all my magnificent glory with pale white skin even whiter hair and a pair of 3 tome Sharingan staring coolly at Shizune who delivered me.

I will have perfect chakra control and kage level reserves edidic memory super genius intellect superb body structure and will naturally unlock the EMS, Rinnegan and wood style because of my Senju, Uchiha and Uzumaki genes mixing perfectly. That reminds me better set language to English because fuck learning a new one.

I laugh evilly as I push the accept button before slowly fading out of view. When I am gone the man I knocked out earlier gets up looking perfectly fine and dust down his suit.

"Keep me entertained ill you." God chuckles lightly while wonder how many times people will fall for the same trick he has used hundreds of times before. Why because just like me and you god is an asshole to.

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"AHHHHHHH" Tsunade screamed as she sat on a bed in a the clinic of the town she was in while Shizune sat at the end of the bed trying to coax her to keep pushing as she could see the head of the baby coming.

"Shut up Shizune and just get the damn thing out." Tsunade screamed while pushing as hard as she could to get the baby out.

A few minutes later and she had finally pushed the baby out and was in the bed recovering. After three minutes and not getting her baby or hearing any crying she looked over to Shizune and saw her holding a blanket which she assumed had her child in it while gaping like a fish.

"Shizune stop gaping like an idiot and give me my baby!" Tsunade yelled and saw Shizune snap out of her trance and shakily walking over with the baby. Tsunade did not know while she was acting this way but found out when she was passed her baby.

Looking down she saw spiked white hair and immediately got pissed thinking that Jiraiya had taken advantage of her while drunk and she had his baby, those thoughts completely self-destructed when she looked down past snow white skin and saw a pair of fully mature sharingan staring back at her coolly. She was shocked to say the least.

"So his father was an Uchiha." Tsunade said emotionlessly slightly scaring Shizune knowing the rivalry between the clans and hoping she didn't do anything to drastic.

"Um Tsunade-sama what are you going to do with him?" Shizune asked hoping it would not be anything bad.

Tsunade looked at her like she was an idiot and replied "I'm going to raise him of course Shizune he is my son no matter who the father is." She said while looking down at me lovingly with Shizune sagging in relief before saying.

"Yes of course Tsunade-sama but what about his name and there is also the fact that well um HE IS A NEWBORN WITH A FULLY ACTIVE SHARINGAN!" Shizune yelled at the end while looking at the baby.

"Yes he does 'sigh' I was hoping not to but it looks like we will have to start his training early when he is able to stop him from hurting himself. As for his name how about Zero Senju it has a nice ring to it and just like his name his enemy's will have nothing on him." She said smiling at the end while Shizune sweat-dropped thinking it was a stupid name.

Meanwhile I was looking stoically on the outside while on the inside I was cackling evilly everything was going swimmingly soon I would become the most powerful Gary Stu to ever exist.

End chapter one


	2. Chapter 2

**The adventures of an asshole: Naruto**

I don't own shit.

Chapter 2

Being a baby was mother fucking boring I had made one simple mistake in being reincarnated with my memories there was no internet and I am so fucking bored and I can't even get mad and punch something because I CANT FUCKING MOVE.

Feels good to get that out still fucking bored, can't wait until I'm older so I can stab people. Now onto the good news perfect chakra control and kage level control feels amazing like orgasming 24/7 it's awesome. So yeah I've got that going for me and Tsunade spoils me to bad I don't give a crap about milk, rattles and coos it's actually getting annoying I want to stab her.

Anyway I'm six months old now and I think being a baby for so long has started to make me go insane. Really it's scary sometimes when Tsunade and Shizune talk to me I don't want to stab them I'm freaking out because that's never happened before. Anyway it's feeding time finally gone from tits to mushy food don't know if that is normal or if chakra speeds up progression.

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I'm one year old now and decided it's finally time to 'start' walking and talking I've been working my legs and voice box for a few months now and I think their ready. I looked up to my mother out of the crib she always kept sealed when we were moving and open my mouth.

"Bitch" I said in an extremely manly voice. No it did not sound fucking cute at all. Tsunade looked at me mouth agape, not sure whether it was from me talking or from the word I said but I soon got my answer when she smiled at me and picked me up while squealing.

'She fucking ignored what I said how dare she I am a Gary Stu you don't laugh at us you beg for mercy!' I thought angrily while plotting her demise. I than did the baby equivalent of a face fault when she and Shizune started cooing words at me to get me to say them.

'I will get you just you wait.' I thought while they continued cooing.

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It was finally time, I was three years old and could start my journey to Gary studem. I stood in front of Tsunade as she explained how to unlock my chakra using really dumbed down words. It was something that I learned recently no matter how much intelligence I showed, she will just coo and call me adorable even a sharingan enhanced glare won't do anything. Not that I had ever turned my sharingan off.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Tsunade ask me something while giving me a scolding look. I looked at her and asked "What?"

"Were you even paying attention?" She asked I looked back at her and said "Nope."

Tsunade sighed and looked at her son as much as she loved him she had to admit he was a giant asshole sometimes, okay most the time. She sighed again before looking sternly at me and said "Okay I will tell you one more time, BUT pay attention this time. Okay first to activate your chakra first do the ram sign and try and find a…" She explained to me but by then I had already started ignoring her and thinking about my future plans.

First things first how to abandon the village after she is dragged back there to be Hokage. What did you think I would stay there, No if I stayed there that would mean the Akastuki would instantly lose with my power fighting them. Why would I want them to win well that's simple Kaguya and no its not for stupid shit like loving her or caring about her cause, no its for one thing and one thing only, her immortality I want to steal it. How, well that's easy all I have to do is combine the human path ability of the rinnegan and Kabuto's ability to steal peoples traits and I should have it and all her power. You're probably wondering 'But zero would thousands of people die for your ambition that you could prevent' why yes I could but I have an answer to that, I'm still an asshole.

You are also probably wondering why I would go to the leaf village in the first place. Well that's simple to steal jutsu, you see there is only so much people will be willing to teach you even with who my mum is, so I figure why not just steal what they won't teach me, after all they should be happy to help the future god of Gary Stu's and if not I will just say I can't turn off my sharingan after all that is why I have not turned it off in three years. I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the top of my head.

"I SAID LISTEN YOU PUNK!" Tsunade yelled at me before saying "You were the one to ask for training from me (not really she told him he was after all Gary Stu's don't need help) so pay attention or you will never learn how to access you're chakra." She said.

"I already have access to my chakra I have since I was born, how do you think my sharingan works magic?" I said getting a little pissed at her hitting the almighty me. Tsunade face faulted at having forgotten that, but in defence he had never turned them of so she had completely forgotten that those were not his normal eyes. Thinking about that she had never seen his normal eyes and now really wanted to.

"Hey son can you please turn off your sharingan?" she asked "Why." I replied "because I want to see your normal eyes, now do as I say!" she replied sternly and mildly annoyed.

I rolled my eyes and did as she asked, I would never get anything done if she kept pestering me and pulled the chakra from my eyes deactivating my sharingan and revealing dark green eyes, a mix between the Uchiha black and Senju green. She scrutinised my eyes carefully knowing this might be the only time she would see them. She nodded signifying she was done, I quickly activated them again to use to seeing everything through them that seeing things normally felt weird now.

"I don't know why you never show your normal eyes they are a lot nicer to look at than your sharingan." She said as I started to get annoyed at the lack of actual training her sensing this quickly responded knowing I became more of an asshole when annoyed or angry or hungry or tired or even happy. Okay I was an asshole most the time.

"Okay since you can use chakra it's time for chakra control, try and stick this leaf to your head." She said while passing me the leaf, I took it and did so immediately it sticking perfectly with no trouble. Tsunade was of course quite impressed naturally she had assumed he would have trouble controlling the massive reserves he had which were bigger than hers, not that she would ever tell the cocky shit that he had a big enough head as it was with being able read and write fluently at three. She was not surprised at the size of his chakra though, what with him having Senju and Uzumaki genes which are known for huge reserves and him having the sharingan active since birth being a big help.

"That's enough drop the leaf let's move onto something harder." Said Tsunade moving over to a tree and then walking up it. She turned to look at me and said "To walk up the tree you must apply a constant amount of chakra to your feet and simply walk up it." I did as told and was soon standing next to her smiling smugly, or as smugly as a three year old could.

She looked at me gaping and slightly annoyed, not even she had done it that quick. She looked at me once more before walking down the tree and over to a small pond before walking on top of it and turning to look at me. "Okay smartass try walking on this, you need to constantly change the amount of chakra depending on how much the water moves." She explained hoping I would not get it as quickly, because to her the faster I learned the closer I was to the horrible life of a ninja. Unknowing to her thoughts I did as she asked again and was soon standing next to her, she looked at me with a sad smile and said "Well looks like we are going to have to start your real training."

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I was now six years old and already high Jonin level. How you ask well that's simple really with my kage level reserves perfect control and powerful mind and body along with lots of work and effort it was easy. NOT I just annoyed Tsunade into teaching me kage bunshin when I was four and just spammed a thousand a day to train in everything including my body, and yes that did work I mean from what I figured it affects the brain by sending memories and the brain is a physical part of you so why can't it train the body, seriously people have got to stop trying to put logic into things like magic… I mean chakra. So that means over the last two years I have had two thousand years of training the only thing holding me back is Tsunade's refusal to teach me anything over b-rank. She practically had a heart attack when I made a thousand clones after she first showed me how and ordered me never to make that many again, I of course ignored her and did it anyway. She almost strangled me to death.

Now after 3 years of training I was the most powerful six year old ever and I was BORED! I needed to fight it has been six years since I had a fight and sparing with Tsunade does not count, it does not Count if I'm the one losing you hear me. That was why I was currently sneaking out of the window of the hotel we were staying at, apparently this town was having problems with a gang of bandits terrorizing the town and this was the perfect opportunity to have a good fight and get my first kill.

I shot of into the forest towards where the locals said they were not noticing the two people following me. What I forgot to make myself a sensor.

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I soon arrived at the camp hidden in the trees and surveyed it.

I noticed thirty bandits most scrawny with crappy weapons and one big guy with a slightly better weapons I quickly went through hand signs to one of the few jutsu Tsunade actual taught me after checking my affinity's, all five go figure it also appears bloodlines do not in fact show up on chakra paper you just have to check if you have one when you get two or more strong affinity's. Anyway back to the camp after finishing the hand signs and breathing in deeply I breathed out while thinking NOT saying-

'Fire Style-Fire ball jutsu' I watched as the camp was surprised when the fire ball came down and laid waste to ten of their number, while they were distracted I jumped down and moved at low Jonin speeds ( Probably faster than they can see) and quickly slit another ten of their throats before they could react. As I was going for the eleventh I had to duck out of the way as the bigger one on them slashed at me, Must of being a weak ass missing nin.

I turned and regarded him coldly with my sharingan eyes and he had the audacity to laugh. How dare this weakling laugh at me does he not see how much better I am than him, how my status is higher than his. I was snapped out of my thoughts as he started talking. Much to my annoyance.

"Ha I thought it was a threat but it's just some brat, got in some lucky shots there dint you, you little shit." The magnificent dick head said and I saw red how dare this pathetic cock wrinkle talk to me like that I will fucking kill him.

Going through hand signs faster than he could follow I ran forward fasted than he could react and uses my own original jutsu that I did not rip off from the chidori.

'Earth Style-Collateral damage jutsu' I screamed in my mind in anger whilst slamming my hand through his abdomen and grabbing onto his stomach from the inside whilst rocks built up on my hand and then exploded out ripping his body to shreds and hitting everything but me including his men that were to slow to react.

I looked around and saw the devastation I had made men laid around me dead and I was completely covered in blood. In less than two minutes I had killed thirty men, I looked to the sky and laughed this power this control to be able to destroy so easily it was intoxicating. I continued cackling madly until I heard a voice behind me.

"Zero…" I heard a strained female voice behind me. I turned around and saw none other than Tsunade and Shizune staring at me in shock.

"Zero what did you do…"

End chapter two

Sup bitches can't believe people actual reviewed and faved this anyway updates will be sporadic my whole family shares one computer so yeah.

Anyway thanks to the people that reviewed and I hope you like the chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**An: sup guys sorry I haven't posted in like forever, but I have a good explanation. I forgot about it, yeah I forgot about this story for months and by the time I remembered I just didn't care anymore but luckily for you because of the giant failure that was fallout 4 and me wasting 7 years waiting for it, my rage was so high I needed to let it out and decide to let it out through writing about an asshole.**

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Tsunade looked around at the destruction her SIX YEAR OLD SON had caused and was drawing a blank on how to process the fact that he… that he used a technique that WAS OBVIOUSLY AN A-RANK and he was not allowed to use techniques that were over B-rank!

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I watched as my mother's face changed through several emotions, first shock then confusion than understanding and finally rage.

"Zero, what did I tell you about using jutsu above B-rank" Tsunade said glaring at me with motherly rage in her eyes. I was of course surprised that she cared more about the fact that I knew an A-rank then the fact that I killed a bunch of people, but then again she has been through two ninja wars and had Orochimaru as a teammate so this was comparably tame.

As I snapped out of my thoughts, I saw that Tsunade was still quite angry at me and that it didn't matter what she was angry about just that she was an S-rank ninja and mad at me so I did the only thing that a super Gary Stu like me can do in this situation.

"CHEESE IT!" I screamed and ran like an extremely manly man. As I ran through the trees I heard the trail of destruction being left behind me as Tsunade destroyed the forest while chasing me.

"Zero get back here and face your punishment like a man!" Tsunade yelled only a few feet behind me and against my better judgement I threw my left hand up and flicked my middle finger up at her while still running.

"AHHHHHHH!" My mother yelled only a few inches behind me and I suddenly realised how close she was before I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head and fell into unconsciousness.

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Tsunade sighed as she picked up her knocked out son and calmed down over the whole A-rank thing, she remembered that her son had just slaughtered 30 people and just laughed about it, releasing another sigh she turned to Shizune and started brain storming what to do.

"He killed all those people Tsunade, why would he do that?" Shizune asked confused and scared for the mental wellbeing of her master's son, Children are not supposed to just go around killing people and laughing especially without some sort of traumatic experience. Shizune's eyes widened as she had an idea and she was about to say it when Tsunade cut her off.

"I don't know Shizune I really don't, there was no reason for him to do it I have no idea why he would I am a healer not a mind reader." Tsunade said unknowingly talking about what Shizune was thinking.

"Tsunade you're not a mind reader but there are mind readers in konoha, maybe we could go there and see them?" Shizune said meekly hoping to go to konoha both for Zero and to see her home once more.

Tsunade looked at Shizune in deep thought before sighing and looking at the sky and saying "Ok but only until we find out what's wrong with my little boy and then were leaving again, let's go and get this over with Shizune!"

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When I woke-up I felt my arms and legs tied to a metal table and a bright light shining in my eyes, blinking a few times my vision cleared and I looked around the room I was in. Seeing a plain grey room with what looks like seals on the walls, a single seat was next to the slab I was tied to. Noticing I still had cloths on I sighed in relief knowing now that I had not been butt-fucked by a paedophile, yet. I blinked yet again finally remembering what happened before I woke-up here.

"OH YOU CUM GUZLING WHORE!" I screamed to wherever my dear mother was. As I was screaming a door opened behind me where I couldn't see and a man walked in and sat in the seat beside me. I recognized him as Inoichi, Ino's dad, and he spoke to me.

"You have quite a mouth on you, don't you?" Inoichi said to me and I knew he was here to read my mind, knowing I had only two choices either piss him off so much he can't do the mind reading properly, which I know won't work I just want to be an ass, or fuck with him using a sharingan genjutsu to make it so he can't see my past and blame my problems somehow on Tsunade, which probably won't be that hard seeing as how these guys are dirty savages compared to me. I decided to use both options and started my master plan.

"Oh you must be the male prostitute I ordered, you can start with the rim job first move to the blowjob after and then you can bend over and spread you cheeks, be warned I don't like lube so it will be rough on you." I said and was disappointed at the only reaction being a slight raising of an eyebrow, before remembering this guy is in the torture and interrogation department and probably heard this kind of shit all the time.

"Ok if you're finished with your oh so funny jokes now, I'm going to go ahead and start the mind reading now." He said and moved his hands towards my head and made the mistake of looking into my eyes.

His head fell down just like it would have if he was using his jutsu normally and I closed my eyes and started to manipulate what he was seeing. This is why you should never underestimate people, wonder if Tsunade told them about my abilities and if she did why didn't they seal my chakra, fucking idiots.

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The third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, watched as the mind rapping… er reading, of his students child. He was both worried and thrilled at finding out about Tsunade's son, worried for the obviously unstable mental state he possess and thrilled about the fact that he was also the child of an Uchiha. The Uchiha massacre had happened a month ago only leaving one survivor, Sasuke Uchiha. He knew the massacre was done by Itachi on orders from the other elders and while he was angry that they had gone behind his back and ordered the massacre, he did not punish them because he knew that the Uchiha were set in their way and that he was just being naively hopeful.

Hiruzen came out of his musing and turned away from the ongoing mind reading through the two way glass and looked towards Tsunade. Seeing the depressed look on her face he started to talk to hopefully distract her.

"So Tsunade, how have you been? I haven't seen you in ten years and then you suddenly stop by with a child." Said Hiruzen.

Tsunade turned to her teacher and sighed in relief at the distraction and then replied "Not much at first I was just roaming around, getting drunk and betting away all my money. About just under seven years ago I got really carried away with the drinking and woke up the next morning in my bed with the signs of having sex, I didn't think much of it at the time until a few weeks later I started to get violently ill and I knew that I was pregnant."

Hiruzen rubbed his chin in thought before saying "So why didn't you get rid of the child, with your medical experience it would have been easy?"

Tsunade looked Hiruzen in the eyes and said "I couldn't do it, it was my mistake that made him and it wasn't like he wanted to be born through a one night stand. How could I kill him for that?"

Tsunade looked at the ground and then continued "Nine months after that night I gave birth to a white haired child and I instantly thought Jariya had taken advantage of me and was already thinking up ways to hurt him" Hiruzen choked out a laugh out them before disguising it as a cough before Tsunade once again continued.

"It wasn't until I looked in his eyes that I knew Jariya wasn't the father, in his eyes he had a fully developed Sharingan." When Hiruzen heard this his eyes widened, he knew the child had the Sharingan but he thought it had been achieved through training. To have a fully activated Sharingan at birth was unheard of.

Before they could continue the conversation Inoichi came out of his trance and left the room before leaving to the hokage's office. This worried both of them as if he had to go to the office it meant that he had to have a private and comfortable environment to talk about some bad news. They both left the interrogation viewing room and headed to the hokage's office.

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Tsunade entered the office feeling both nervous and hopeful for the mental state of her son.

Hiruzen took a seat in his chair before looking at Inoichi and signalling him to begin. Inoichi took a moment to compose himself before starting.

"Ok I'm going to start off with the bad news, there is no way to heal Zero's mind and get rid of his volatile and sociopathic personality." He held up his hand to stop Tsunade's protest before continuing with his diagnosis "Let me finish before you interrupt Tsunade-sama, your son may not be able to be healed but he can be directed to use that sociopathic behaviour towards the enemies of the leaf."

Inoichi stopped and breathed deeply before continuing with the worst part "Now as to why he has this mind set, in short it is because he matured too quickly."

Tsunade looked confused before saying "What do you mean maturing too quickly, all shinobi mature quickly it's the world we live in."

Inoichi glanced at Tsunade before looking back to the hokage and explaining "What I meant when I said he matured too early, is that he really matured to early, as in he gained conciseness in the womb and that is what led him to getting his Sharingan so early.

He looked at the shocked faces before going on "In the womb his mind mature to quickly and he gained complete cognitive skills years ahead of time and he spent the next four months sitting in darkness without being able to do anything, when at that time of mental maturity he should have been getting lots of affection from parents and family members that he could see."

"In the womb from the mental scaring his Sharingan activated and advanced from the low level of light to be able to see his surroundings, which made his condition even worse because he did not have the control to turn it off and because of his large chakra reserves and Tsunade's chakra constantly flowing through him he never ran out of chakra and because of that his Sharingan never turned off, this also explains his huge reserves." Inoichi stopped and looked to see if the other two were taking in what he was saying, seeing the grim expressions on their faces he continued.

"With his Sharingan fully activated it just made matters worse because of the photographic memory this mental trauma is permanently with him and there is no way to get rid of it." He stopped for a second when Tsunade whispered.

"Why, why do bad things happen to everyone I love…." Inoichi sighed at this before saying "I wish that were the end of it Tsunade-sama but it's not." He looked at the hokage and got a signal to continue.

"As I said it does not end there, we still have the birth." He sighed before continuing "this was all bad enough but the worst part is that when he was born his Sharingan was active and that was the first time he saw anything but darkness but it was also a time of blood and pain for you Tsunade-sama and so Zero subconsciously thinks that the only way to get away from and stay free from the unbearably pain of that dark nothingness is to cause bleeding and pain in others leading him to developing a sociopathic personality." As he finished he looked on sadly as Tsunade was finally drained of the last of her strength and started crying.

Hiruzen looked at his student and started thinking about ways to fix this, oh sure Inoichi said that it was unfixable but he believed in the will of fire and its power to help all.

'Hmm maybe more exposer to kids his own age would help, If I can convince Tsunade to stay here and enrol him in the academy he could make some friends his own age and the village would get two powerful shinobi one old and one new' As Hiruzen came out of his thoughts he internally nodded to himself, his plan was in place. The poor naive fool.

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Deep down in the torture and interrogation department a young boy seemingly asleep smirked to himself.

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**AN: yeah I know it's shit but I couldn't think of a better way to get him to konoha. So bye and I'll probably upload the next short shitty chapter in a year.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I know I said I wasn't going to upload for a while, but I'm bored because fallout 4 was a sad, sad mistake and fanfiction is really getting shit lately.**

Chapter: 3

I sat in the Hokages office looking around the room ignoring the Hokages eyes boring into me. There were three people in the room with Sarutobi, Tsunade and Shizune. The Hokage was staring at me while Tsunade was holding in tears standing next to the Hokages desk while Shizune soothingly rubbed her back.

After finally getting bored of looking around the room and getting angry at everyone staring at me I decided to get this show on the road and said in a calm and peaceful manner.

"The fuck are you looking at cum jockey?!" I said getting a shocked look from the Hokage and an angry look from Tsunade.

"Don't swear at the Hokage Zero!" Tsunade yelled shaking her fist at me a tick mark on her forehead.

The Hokage held up a hand to Tsunade and said "Don't worry about it Tsunade I'm sure he's just agitated and confused its fine. Anyway I'm sure your wondering why you're here correct." I nodded and he continued. "You're here because after your little… episode with those bandits, Tsunade decided it was best to come back to Konoha to have a mental check up to make sure there was no mental scaring from such a traumatic experience. For your own safety of course." As he said that I snorted gaining a raised eyebrow and a look that said to explain.

"You really think I'll buy that bullshit, I know you all think I'm crazy and I don't give a fuck so stop spouting bullshit and tell me what you want." I said making the Hokage narrows his eyes before he spoke again.

"Hmm, okay your mother has decided to stay here and take over the hospital, she has also decided to enrol you into the academy." As the words left his mouth I felt my rage rising and then I exploded.

"What the fuck! The academy, are you fucking serious? I'm a jonin level ninja I aint going to a fucking school with useless brats!" I screamed at the Hokage getting a glare in return.

"You are not going to the academy to get ninja training, you are going to the academy to learn to act like a normal human being." The Hokage said.

"Fuck that I still aint going to that shitty academy." The Hokage looked at me and said "Oh really?"

I glared at him and said "Yeah really."

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I looked at the academy in front of me that was slowly being filled with kids and said oh so eloquently…

"**FUCK!"**

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I sat in the class seething in anger at the Hokage, the asshole actually threatened to seal my chakra and make me live a civilian life because I was 'Too unstable' to handle my power without proper emotional control. Dickhead.

"Excuse me is this seat taken?" A soft voice said from beside me, breaking me from my enraged thoughts. As I turned to look beside me, I became enraged once again.

"What. The. Fuck" I said while looking at the abomination in front of me with my Sharingan active. To anyone else it would have been a normal looking boy with blond hair, blue eyes and whisker marks on his face. But with my eyes I can see underneath the normal exterior to see the horrific thing below… a little girl. Not just any little girl a gender bent Naruto.

"How?" I whispered shocked to my core, how could this happen I choose a normal world I did not add any shit like this, unless… THAT ASSHOLE! That guy in the reincarnation office must have fucked with something, god dammit.

"Umm what?" The female Naruto in front said looking at me in confusion.

"What, oh yeah fuck off." I said remembering that she wanted to sit next to me. Her face fell and I could see her start to tear up in pain and it made me feel good inside. She sniffled and walked away to the back of the room as I turned back to look at the front to see another girl under a genjutsu glaring at me. God dammit.

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Sasuke glared at the boy in front of her, not because he swore or made that little boy cry, in fact if it was up to her the kid would not even be here, civilians in her eyes are useless and should not even be allowed into the academy. But no, the reason she was glaring was that he had the Sharingan, her families' bloodline, her dead families' bloodline. She walked up to confront him on why he had the sharingan.

"Fuck off." Well that didn't go how she thought it would, snapping out of her shock she pushed on to find out what she wanted.

"How do you have the Sharingan?" She asked in a bitting tone.

He looked her in the eye with a bored expression and said "Fuck off."

Sasuke Grit her teeth in anger at the rude dismissal and took a few calming breaths and tried on last time.

" . . ." She breathed out at him, waiting for a response from him, a response that she better like because she is really close to hitting him.

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I could see the anger blooming on her face and decided to piss her off more. She deserves it, gender bent freak.

"How about you mind your own business and go kill yourself dick-cheese." I relished the rage on her face and raised my arm to block the weak punch coming from my side, which was surprisingly not from the girl I was actively trying to piss off.

I looked to my side and saw a small six year old girl with pink hair surrounded by other little girls, all glaring at me. The girl, who I had now identified as Sakura said "Don't be mean to Sasuke-kun!"

I pulled my arm away from her fist and cleared out my ear with my pinkie, bitch could yell. I stood up in my chair and turned to face the horde of girls glaring at me, and kicked Sakura in the face sending her flying into the wall and scaring most of my classmates in the process.

Turning to the other people in the class I decided to make I dramatic and badass speech "Don't fucking annoy me or I'll rip out your eyes and shove them up ass so you can see from the inside as I pull out your intestines and strangle you to death with them!" I looked at them and continued by saying "Do you understand?" looking at their horrified little faces and not getting a response I yelled "AM I UNDERSTOOD!" getting a round of terrified nods I sat down and went back to ignoring the class including the gender bent Sasuke still glaring at me and the teacher who just came in and was checking on Sakura.

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Hiruzen watched Zero's first class through his crystal ball with a frown on his face, he was worried that he had made the wrong choice in sending a proven psychopath into a class with small children, but that would be admitting the will of fire was wrong and he couldn't do that, it was all he had left after all.


End file.
